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[sweet. yeah, he remembers that. kind. he's quiet for a moment, let's Eddie get his bearings, catch his breath. after a minute he rolls onto one elbow, reaches over to squeeze his arm again. ]

That wasn't on you, Eddie.

[ his leg is bouncing. head dropping. he still sees it. hears the way her bones cracked. the empty vacant stare in her eyes, how fragile she felt under his hands. ]

I just left her there. [ it's a horrible way to die, because he has no doubt that vecna didn't let her die that instant. he'd let her experience those final moments alone on his dirty floor. alone, broken, and terrified. eddie's shoulders shake. ] She didn't deserve that. A-And if I hadn't, if I'd called for help - [ Vecna would have kept killing. And Eddie would have been free to go. ]

[again, he reaches for that part of him that would hold his mother after a bad fight. remember her hands in his hair, her kisses on his forehead. remembers warmth, vaguely, and knows he can't give Eddie that, not really.

still, he sits up. reaches for the guitar, gentle detangles it from Eddie's hands. places it askew against the bed, opposite the bats. then he works on muscle memory: reaches for Eddie's shoulders to pull him close, flush against his chest. Billy swallows some of that too-thick spit again and hesitates, just for a second, before he soothes one hand down Eddie's back, and then other against the back of his head. he exhales, shaky. ]

She'd still be dead, and that's not on you. It's on him. That thing. What were you supposed to do? Come on.

But maybe I wouldn't be.

[ It's selfish to say out loud. He'd given himself gladly to protect his new friends - but he remembers the cold that came after. The blood draining from his body from all these fresh new holes. Dustin sobbing as he promised to take care of everyone in his stead.

Eddie sucks in a shuddering breath, goes easily against the broader man. ]

You're not a bad person for wishing you'd stayed alive.

[he's tight in his hugs. like maybe this is the first real one he's gave in a long time; like he's scared Eddie might disappear if he lets go. ] You're human. Eddie, we're just fucking kids.

[he's a little breathless. they're just kids. Billy never made it to eighteen, not really. something else did in his place. idly, he finds his fingers scratching at Eddie's scalp. soothing. ] Be mad about it. Hate it. I fucking do.

[ He guesses, with all the tears his shoulders have absorbed lately, its about time he returned the favor. Eddie curls against him like a pillbug and the sob that wrenches out of him is ugly. Frustration and grief, of every wrong choice he's ever made, made sound. ]

[he would have flinched away from this, back in Hawkins. would have pushed Eddie away and told him to get a grip; told him to grow some balls. it feels like a million years ago, feels like that ugly part of him has grown rotten with time. so he holds Eddie Munson against him, rubs circles in his back and combs his fingers through his curls the way he used to do for mom. he presses his nose into his hair, let's him sob and wail and rock through it.

whispers that's it, and you're okay, and i've got you. things he's always wanted to hear. it turns out you just have to do all the shit no one ever did for you. it's a revelation.

his own eyes sting a little. grief. anger. an empty sort of acceptance. he thinks he might give a shit about Eddie Munson more than he realised. ]

[ Neither of them deserved to die like that. Young and in their prime, their best years a promise they'd spent years waiting to see fulfilled. Maybe in another world, another time, they could've saved each other from Hawkins.

Eddie's an ugly crier. He cries the way he does everything, his whole body and soul in it. The bats react to the sound but - slowly, slowly, the colony dissipates as the tears do. The nonstop whispering and chittering ebbs, but he doesn't notice over the sound of his own crying.

When he's finally out of tears, he stays right against Billy. Not sure he has the strength to push himself back up just yet. But the window is mostly clear of bats, save for one or two stubborn little things that think they're still needed. ]

[he knows the shoulder his shirt is damp now. tears and snot, hot against his skin. it's a revelation not to be mad about it. it's a revelation to rock Eddie through this, to eventually just let him be.

if he's honest, maybe he likes the warmth against him. maybe he likes being close to another person in a way that isn't a quick fuck, or a fight. maybe Billy isn't as hollow as he lets himself believe, because he feels angry for Eddie. feels like he could take Vecna on by himself again just to give him some relief.

he doesn't know what to do with that. so he keeps holding him. let's his hand rest on Eddie's lower back, let's Eddie get himself back together, keeps busying his hand in his hair, and exhales a stilted breath. knows he should go and get Steve, soon. knows that he promised to stay, but that Eddie will want Steve, not him. it makes sense. ]

[ There's calm after the storm. A few minutes of silence, and then Eddie finally starts to move, looking at the damage with a genuine but weak laugh.

He still wants to go home. Look after his uncle, his bandmates, all his stupid little kids. But it feels good to have the release. To not be hit with reassurances that it's all going to be fine, because they don't know. And he thinks maybe he needs to be able to mourn what he's lost, the innocence he's never getting back. ]

... Guess I should foot your dry cleaning bill.

Don't sweat it. The way my careers going, I won't need it.

[ha. he doesn't know what to do with his hands, now. feels like a stupid thirteen year old, a bit clumsy and awkward. so he lies back again, slow onto his elbows. watches Eddie's face for cracks. ]

[ Another laugh. A gentle punch to his soaked shoulder. ]

We're not in California, sunshine. Eventually it's gonna get cold.

[ The smile reaches his eyes this time at least. ]

[good. good. he can relax. ]

So long as my other assets stay toasty, we're good.

[he means his -]

[ Another louder, brighter laugh. He wipes at his eyes and flops down against the mattress, scrubbing his face.]

That worried about shrinkage?

Not on your life.

[isn't every man. ] You good, though? Really, I mean.

Getting there.

[ he stares at the ceiling. ]

You're right, though. Need a waaaaay better outlet.

I'd ask if you wanna start fights and shit, but I promised someone I'd be on my best behaviour.

[but. BUT IF HE WANTED To. ]

The shit you do now. Start looking in the opposite direction. You spend all this time being nice, Munson. Be mean once in a while.

That's why I play D&D. I can be a dick to people, kill 'em off alllll I want when they piss me off, and paper is the only casualty.

[ god. ]

I used to jack cars and take them for joyrides. But that's the kind of trouble I need to stay out of.

I'd say get laid, but, you know.

[steve. ]

Fuck.

[ yeah. that. ]

Yeah. That was what the whole stupid fight was over.

Like I said. You're fucking idiots.

[jesus christ.]

I know!

[ the throws his hands straight up towards the ceiling. ]

[a beat. ]

He told me a little. It's not that hard to get laid dude. What is the issue man.

Ah, shit.

[ whatever. he just cried an ocean on his shoulder. ]

He - shit. I told him I didn't want to fuck you, and he - turned it around and asked if I wanted to fuck him. Said something about how he needed it, got up in my face when I was like - trying to make sure he wasn't just throwing himself on my dick so I wouldn't be tempted. So he - made this whole thing about the weekend, when I was trying to go on a walk with him to calm the hell down from everything before that.

[ it's so stupid. his face is hot with embarrassment. ]

And I felt stuck because I - obviously - want to do sinful things to that man. But, I also have to keep seeing him - and he has no idea about the shit I'm into. Not a clue.

[he lets that sink in. is only a little stung that eddie munson doesn't actually want to fuck him, but he can get over that. then he chokes, then his laughter is out, wild and unrestrained. it is so goddamn stupid. he's not sure he can do this -]

First of all, you two chucklefucks would be lucky to fuck me. [LISTEN. ]

Second, fuck. He's trying to fuck your brains out and has no idea what the hanky means. Munson. Eddie. You're a walking tragedy.

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