[the look Steve gets as he retreats can only be described as purely exasperated. ]
Then I can go, Jesus. [look at him, getting up, getting his stolen shirt and phone - ] I'm losing braincells watching you two do this weird little dance around each other anyway. Munson, we can jam next week. Harrington, [he says, grabbing his wrist, shifting him so he can exit first. ] At least let us know if you're fine in the morning. I don't know how much funerals are here, and I want my new fortune to go to my car.
[bye losers, he's going home to earn their roadtrip money. ]
[ Christ. Billy's gone before he can blink, leaving him in the awkward aftermath, and Steve looks like he's gonna bolt so he just.. talks fast. ]
We should... Talk. About yesterday. It's - it's not what you think. [ unless it is. But if he doesn't say something now then it'll just be strangling him until Monday, and a smashed phone isn't a functioning distraction. ] If you still wanna bail and get some sleep, I get it.
[ Things on Steve's To Do list: strangle Billy. He folds his arms, unable to leave and having already expressed a wish not to stay. It's so awkward when Eddie speaks, there isn't the buffer of a ridiculous roadtrip between them. ]
I messed up. We don't have to get into it, I know I upset you. I was going to give us some space but ... Hargrove.
[ less fond than he'd usually give. Eddie speaks slowly and with deliberate care, weighing every word. ]
I don't... Want... Space, is the thing. I didn't want you to go, either, I just... If that's what you want then I'm not gonna... Force you to be uncomfortable and pretend like it's fine.
[ He looks away, swallowing as he fixes his tone. ]
Shit, look. If I hadn't asked you, repeatedly, if you were in the mood, would you have slept with me when you didn't want to? Were you doing it because I asked and you wanted to make me happy, even if you weren't?
[ he crosses the room, giving a respectful measure of space. ]
It's not you. It's - me. It's the same reason why I'm still in highschool. I got - I get overwhelmed, and then I feel stupid, and then I make a mess. And I never know how to explain it.
[ he reaches out a ringed hand ]
I should've explained why I wanted to go for a walk. Not... Tried to shove it all down and lash out. That was fucked of me.
[ The gulf between them is cold but it feels safe, like Steve can't trust himself to be any closer or he won't remember why he's upset. He always loses his mind when he has Eddie.
He keeps his arms folded, holding his ground. ]
Hargrove said that being into other men back home meant that sex was only that. [ He has to apologize for this, even if it reminds him how stupid he must have looked and sounded at the time. ] I shouldn't have asked you ... the way I did. I didn't mean it to sound cheap.
[ he draws his hand back slowly, tucking both hands into his armpits. ]
That's not exactly right... But... [ but. ] Yeah. That didn't make me feel great.
[ he leans himself against the wall. ]
This is my first time not being a dirty little secret. So... I wanted to make sure our first time was... special. [ it's fucking embarrassing to say outloud. ] The kinda shit straight people in all those shitty little romance flicks you like to fall asleep to get to have.
[ He can't be angry, doesn't have the right or the energy, so when he looks up it's with a controlled, inhaled noise like a sob, clearing his throat. His eyes are hot, wet and his voice feels like it might evaporate. ]
[ Nodding after taking onboard Eddie's agreement, he clears his throat a little more and passes the back of his wrist across his eyes, scrubbing them dry. He doesn't move away as Eddie nears; his hand twitches toward Eddie, in fact. ]
[ He leans into Eddie and wraps his arms around him, turning his face into soft curls where he can hide. A shudder ripples through him and he sags in place, closing his eyes. ]
What, you spent three years watching me jump up on tables, goad your shitty little friends into trying to kick my ass, and it never once occured to you that this guy might be a little unhinged?
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Then I can go, Jesus. [look at him, getting up, getting his stolen shirt and phone - ] I'm losing braincells watching you two do this weird little dance around each other anyway. Munson, we can jam next week. Harrington, [he says, grabbing his wrist, shifting him so he can exit first. ] At least let us know if you're fine in the morning. I don't know how much funerals are here, and I want my new fortune to go to my car.
[bye losers, he's going home to earn their roadtrip money. ]
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We should... Talk. About yesterday. It's - it's not what you think. [ unless it is. But if he doesn't say something now then it'll just be strangling him until Monday, and a smashed phone isn't a functioning distraction. ] If you still wanna bail and get some sleep, I get it.
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I messed up. We don't have to get into it, I know I upset you. I was going to give us some space but ... Hargrove.
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[ less fond than he'd usually give. Eddie speaks slowly and with deliberate care, weighing every word. ]
I don't... Want... Space, is the thing. I didn't want you to go, either, I just... If that's what you want then I'm not gonna... Force you to be uncomfortable and pretend like it's fine.
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[ He looks away, swallowing as he fixes his tone. ]
Shit, look. If I hadn't asked you, repeatedly, if you were in the mood, would you have slept with me when you didn't want to? Were you doing it because I asked and you wanted to make me happy, even if you weren't?
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[ okay. Okay. He's getting himself off the bed. It takes some doing because his leg is definitely asleep from how he's been sitting. ]
And I did want to sleep with you.
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[ The lump in Steve's throat feels so sudden, rising readily. ]
I'm sorry I messed up, I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me. I'm sorry.
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[ he crosses the room, giving a respectful measure of space. ]
It's not you. It's - me. It's the same reason why I'm still in highschool. I got - I get overwhelmed, and then I feel stupid, and then I make a mess. And I never know how to explain it.
[ he reaches out a ringed hand ]
I should've explained why I wanted to go for a walk. Not... Tried to shove it all down and lash out. That was fucked of me.
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[ The gulf between them is cold but it feels safe, like Steve can't trust himself to be any closer or he won't remember why he's upset. He always loses his mind when he has Eddie.
He keeps his arms folded, holding his ground. ]
Hargrove said that being into other men back home meant that sex was only that. [ He has to apologize for this, even if it reminds him how stupid he must have looked and sounded at the time. ] I shouldn't have asked you ... the way I did. I didn't mean it to sound cheap.
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That's not exactly right... But... [ but. ] Yeah. That didn't make me feel great.
[ he leans himself against the wall. ]
This is my first time not being a dirty little secret. So... I wanted to make sure our first time was... special. [ it's fucking embarrassing to say outloud. ] The kinda shit straight people in all those shitty little romance flicks you like to fall asleep to get to have.
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[ His arms unravel to plant a hand on a hip, gesturing to Eddie. ]
You already make me feel like we're in a stupid straight romance movie. In a good way.
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You make me want to sing your name from the rooftops, Steve Harrington. And the soundtrack to my wet dreams is you screaming mine.
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Look, Eddie. Aside from the blame-game, I ... I felt really stupid on that bed. Exposed and — I didn't like feeling that way in front of someone.
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Yeah... I get that. You... Were really vulnerable and I was ice cold.
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Please don't do that again.
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Eddie takes a careful step forward, uncertain, but not willing to leave his boyfriend in tears and uncomforted ]
I won't, baby. Never again.
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[ Nodding after taking onboard Eddie's agreement, he clears his throat a little more and passes the back of his wrist across his eyes, scrubbing them dry. He doesn't move away as Eddie nears; his hand twitches toward Eddie, in fact. ]
So we're good now?
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We're good, Steve.
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First big fight, huh.
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Look at that, a milestone. A shitty one but we're a still here.
[ kissing his cheek. ]
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Why did you want to go on a walk?
[ He hasn't forgotten to ask. ]
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So, when I get like that... It's shaking up a coke. It's gonna come out unless the pressure drops. For whatever reason, going on a long walk can help.
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He kisses him softly, a chaste Hello. ]
Maybe we should have actually dated and gotten to know each other before we started ripping each other's clothes off, huh?
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What, you spent three years watching me jump up on tables, goad your shitty little friends into trying to kick my ass, and it never once occured to you that this guy might be a little unhinged?
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If it helps, I'll tell everyone we're dating when we get back home. I don't give a damn what anyone thinks.
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